he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had sex on a dog bed..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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