Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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