you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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