Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
