so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
