It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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