So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
