the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
