the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
