bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
