nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
