hotel room ftw
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
