the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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