I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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