i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
