I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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