I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
