i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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