I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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