After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
