just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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