I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
