I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
