It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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