why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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