How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
