Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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