well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
