6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
