You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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