No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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