i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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