Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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