this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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