just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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