So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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