life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
