thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
