Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
