if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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