My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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