i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
