Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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