I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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