Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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