We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
