We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
