I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
