I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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