yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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