just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
