You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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