It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
