Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
