He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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