Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
