I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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