Duck Duck Cougar?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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