Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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