Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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