During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
