I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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