is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
