He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
