Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
