you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
