I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
