i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
