His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i now understand why vodka
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
