You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
