So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
