exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
