level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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