I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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