we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
