My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
