there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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