I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
