I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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